Welcome to RenewHer, a podcast for women over 50 ready to reignite their energy and explore what's next. I'm Genell Lemley, brain fitness coach. Here, you'll hear real stories from women taking on new challenges after 50, along with brain health tips to boost focus, energy, and the mindset to move forward with confidence.
Let's dive into today's episode.
Hey there. I was thinking about what I wanted to talk about for today's Brain Note, and I kept coming back to this idea that our brains resist change. And it actually made me stop and think because I've never considered myself someone who is afraid of change. In fact, I've always been pretty comfortable with change.
But it also made me curious because so much of what I talk about with RenewHer is women making pivots and changes in this season of life. Why do some women who recognize that they want something different, whether they're moving away from something that's no longer working for them or moving towards something new, take action while others don't?
Sometimes we change because we don't like where we are, but sometimes we change because we're curious about where we could go. And I think those can require very different things from us. Have you ever wanted to make a change and yet found yourself hesitating to make the first step? Maybe you've thought about starting something new, changing careers, retiring, taking on a new challenge, pursuing an interest you've put aside, or doing something you've been thinking about for a long time.
You want to do it. You've thought about it. Maybe you've even talked about it with other people. So why can it be so hard to actually take that first step? It may not be lack of motivation, and it may not even be a lack of confidence. It may have something to do with the way your brain responds to uncertainty.
So today we're talking about Why your brain can resist change, even when it's something you really want. But before we get into the brain science, I wanna make an important distinction. I'm actually someone who has made a lot of changes throughout my life, especially in my career.
During my 28 years in corporate, I worked for eight different companies. I changed jobs about every two to three years. Some opportunities I sought out, other times someone sought me out. And looking back now, I realize that I wasn't necessarily changing jobs because I loved change. I was often changing because something wasn't quite right anymore.
Maybe I wasn't being challenged enough. Maybe the company wasn't the right fit. Maybe the role wasn't aligned with what I wanted. At the time, I didn't necessarily have the language for that. I simply knew when something wasn't working for me anymore, and I was willing to do something about it.
And I think there's an important lesson in that. Making a change and taking a risk aren't necessarily the same thing. Change means altering your current situation and moving toward something different.
But taking a risk involves uncertainty, potential loss, or the possibility that something won't work out the way you hoped. Sometimes a change involves very little risk. But when we're talking about bigger changes, especially ones that involve uncertainty or something personally meaningful, that's where risk can enter the picture.
And I think that's important because I'm not someone who is afraid of change. I've been willing to make changes when something wasn't working for me. But there's a difference between changing because something isn't working and taking a risk on something you really want to create.
If you're unhappy in your job, for example, you may eventually decide that it's time to leave. That's a change. But what happens when you're not running away from something that's no longer working? What happens when you're moving towards something you've never done before? That's different. Because now there's uncertainty.
You don't know exactly what's going to happen, and that's where your brain comes in. Your brain is constantly trying to protect what's going to happen next. It uses your past experiences, memories, patterns, and information from your environment to make predictions about what's coming. And when something is familiar, it's easier for your brain to predict.
But when something is new, there are more unknowns, and your brain doesn't particularly like unknowns. That's because one of its most important jobs is to protect you. So when you encounter something uncertain, your brain may start looking for potential problems. What if I fail? What if I regret it? What will people think? What if this doesn't work out?
These questions focus our attention on things we can't know or control, and they can keep us stuck in a cycle of trying to predict the future before we're willing to take the first step. You might tell yourself, "Maybe this isn't the right time. I need to do a little more research. I'll do it when I'm prepared. Maybe I'll wait until things settle down."
And those thoughts can sound very reasonable, but sometimes what's really happening is just your brain is trying to reduce uncertainty. If you don't take the step, you don't have to find out what happens. You stay with what you know, and what you know can feel safer even when you aren't particularly happy with it.
So instead of getting caught up in those what if questions, try asking yourself different questions. What do I want? Why is this important to me? What would I gain by trying? What's the smallest step I could take to learn more?
Those questions shift us from fear and prediction to curiosity and action. Because we don't need to know exactly how something is going to turn out before we begin. We can take a step, learn from it, and then decide what comes next.
Think about someone who has been unhappy in her job for years. She talks about how miserable she is. She complains about her boss. She doesn't like the work. She knows she wants something different, but she doesn't do anything about it. Now, there can be very real reasons for staying: financial security, benefits, family responsibilities, fear of starting over.
But that doesn't mean she has to stay stuck. She still has a choice. She could start exploring other opportunities. She could update her resume. She could talk to someone in another field. She could start looking for a job that offers the financial security and benefits she needs. She doesn't have to quit tomorrow. She can simply take a step toward creating a different situation.
And sometimes part of what keeps us stuck is that the uncertainty of changing feels more threatening than the discomfort of staying. I'll say that again. The uncertainty of changing can feel more threatening than the discomfort of staying. The familiar isn't necessarily better, it's simply more predictable.
And here's another important distinction. Sometimes we're not trying to escape something, we're trying to create something, and this is where taking a risk comes into play, and that can be even harder. Because when you're moving towards something new, you don't have evidence yet that it's going to work.
You have an idea, a desire, maybe even a strong sense that this is something you want to do, but you don't know what will happen. And that's when those what if questions can get loud. I think many of us have experienced this. I know I have. When I started my house-flipping business. When I became a brain health coach.
We can be perfectly capable of making changes when something isn't working anymore. But stepping into something new, something that matters to us, can feel much more vulnerable. And I think this becomes especially relevant when we're entering a new chapter and figuring out what we want next.
For many women, retirement represents a huge transition. You've spent thirty or forty years building a career. Your career may have given you structure, purpose, accomplishment, relationships, recognition, a sense of identity. And then you retire. And suddenly the question changes from, "What do I have to do?" to, "What do I want to do?" And that can be a much harder question.
Maybe your kids have left home. Maybe you've spent years taking care of everyone else. And now you have more time. But what do you do with it? What's your purpose? What will your life look like? Who are you now? Those are big questions, and there's a lot of uncertainty in them.
So if you've been feeling stuck, I don't want you to immediately assume that something is wrong with you. Maybe you're not lacking motivation. Maybe you don't even dislike change. Maybe your brain is simply responding to uncertainty. And recognizing that can change the way you approach it.
I've experienced this in my own life, too. When I decided to take on the 29029 challenge at Whistler, I was nervous. I knew it was going to be physically and mentally difficult, and I certainly didn't know exactly how it was going to unfold. But I wanted to take on that challenge because I wanted to prove something to myself, that age didn't have to determine what I was capable of. And I wanted to be an example to other women that we don't necessarily have to accept the limitations we're sometimes told come with getting older.
I didn't know exactly what would happen, but I didn't need to. I needed to decide that I was willing to take the first step, and that's really the message I want you to take away from today's Brain Note.
Your brain doesn't necessarily resist change, it responds to uncertainty. And sometimes the uncertainty of change can feel more uncomfortable than the situation you're trying to change.
So if there's something you've been thinking about doing and you haven't taken the first step, don't automatically assume that you don't want it badly enough. Don't assume you're not motivated. And don't assume you have to feel completely confident before you begin.
Instead, get curious. What is my brain trying to protect me from? And then, what's one small step I can take away? You don't have to know exactly where that step will lead. You don't have to know whether everything will work out. You don't even have to be certain that you've made the right decision.
You can simply be willing to take the next step and learn from what happens. Because sometimes the way forward isn't about eliminating uncertainty, it's about becoming willing to move through it.
I'm Genell Lemley, and this is RenewHer.
Renew. Your body. Your brain. Your life.
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