I would say start by giving yourself credit for where you're at and recognizing that number one, you're exactly where you're meant to be at this point in your life, and that does not dictate that you have to accept everything without having any control over what happens next. And the first step really starts with deciding that you want something, you know, and allowing yourself permission to do something different
Welcome to RenewHer, a podcast for women over 50 ready to reignite their energy and explore what's next. I'm Genell Lemley, brain fitness coach. Here, you'll hear real stories from women taking on new challenges after 50, along with brain health tips to boost focus, energy, and the mindset to move forward with confidence.
Let's dive into today's episode.
Hello, and welcome back to the RenewHer podcast, where we talk about renewing your body, your brain, and your life, and where we explore what it really looks like to begin again. Today's guest is someone I've been looking forward to introducing you to.
I first met Louise about two to three years ago through a mastermind group we were both a part of. We became accountability partners, and over the years, we've stayed connected. Louise has a remarkable gift. She asks thoughtful questions, she generously shares her wisdom, and she has an incredible ability to see the heart of a person or a business. After spending more than 35 years in corporate branding and marketing leadership, including roles with major national companies, Louise's life took an unexpected turn.
At 59, she was laid off for the very first time. Just as new opportunities were beginning to appear, the world shut down with COVID. What could have become the end of one chapter instead became the beginning of something entirely new. Today, she's the founder of The Firefly Effect, where she helps heart-centered entrepreneurs discover what makes them authentically different and build businesses that reflect who they truly are.
But Louise's story is about much more than business. It's a story about healing, finding your voice, learning to stop hiding, choosing authenticity over perfection, and discovering that sometimes the hardest seasons of life become the very ones that lead us home to ourselves. Louise, welcome to the RenewHer podcast.
Oh, thank you, Genell. It is so good to be here. I've been so looking forward to this conversation with you, and thank you for that really lovely introduction. Oh, you're welcome. You're welcome.
So let's get started. You spent decades building a successful corporate career. Before everything changed, what did you imagine the next chapter of your life would look like?
Well, at 59, I was probably looking forward to what many of my friends were doing, which is planning their retirement and learning to kind of pick my heels up and take it a little bit easier. I was always in a very ambitious, you know, high-powered role as head of marketing, and I loved the challenges of building businesses and building teams and everything.
So from my perspective, after 20 years, I'd never imagined, it never occurred to me that it would be anything but just carrying through to completion and retirement, like so many of my friends were doing. Mm-hmm. But, uh, the universe had different plans for me.
Yeah, it's fascinating really how we all picture what the next chapter will look like, and then life has a way of rewriting the script. You were 59 when you were laid off for the first time after giving so mu- so much and time to your company. Yes. So can you take us back to that day, including, like, what did it feel emotionally? Did you feel angry, scared, relieved or, or what, what was that like?
I was hurt. More than anything, I was hurt. You know, having built teams and been a leader, I knew, I kinda knew the drill. And when I was asked to join a meeting with the head of HR, and my boss was sitting there as well with a manila envelope on the table that they kind of slid over and they start with the script that they have to say. I remember just saying, "I know the drill." Mm-hmm. "Let's just get this over with." But I remember feeling so incredibly hurt because I had given everything of who I was to my role, to this company for...
I had been there eight and a half years at that point and had gone through a lot of, a lot of change and, and done a lot for the organization as well. And so I kinda felt like, you know, I'd been stabbed in the back, and I'm a high sensitive- Mm-hmm ... person. So for me, it felt like a betrayal. It felt like, you know...
I don't know. It just, it's the first time in my life I had ever been laid off. I had never been fired from a job in my life, and as much as I felt, I think deep down I knew it had to happen. There was a lot of stuff happening, politics and things- Mm ... that made me really unhappy. And you know, I remember telling my boss at one point, "You know, I feel like, I feel like I have a target on my back."
And i- so it wasn't a fun place for me to be at that point either. So I think there was a part of me that was a bit relieved, and then, but the bigger part was, you know, I've given so much of who I- Yeah ... of everything to, to my role, to this job, to my team, to this company, and it just, it was, it was hard. It was probably one of the hardest days of my life.
Understandably. Yeah. So losing your job would've been enough of a life change on its own, but then another expected challenge arrived. COVID hit. Yeah. And changed everything. So what happened, you had mentioned that you had a couple of job opportunities brewing, and then COVID hit. So what happened to those job opportunities?
Well, they pretty much dried up very quickly, as you can imagine. I was shortlisted because from my perspective, I'm like, jump back in, had applications in. I was, you know, shortlisted for a couple of new VP of marketing roles with some other organizations, and I thought, "That's it. I'm just gonna jump right back in," and, and then COVID hit, and everything froze.
All the jobs got just paused. And I was isolated. My daughter was living with me at the time, one of my two daughters. And so all of a sudden it's like you're forced to stop everything. And I think as I reflect back now, it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Hmm. Interesting. 'Cause it forced me to st- I have never stopped.
I've been a single mom since my kids were five and seven. Sure. So I had never had an opportunity to just stop. Mm-hmm. In bet- in, you know, 20 years, I had never just stopped. And so there was a part of me deep down that was like, "Okay, I can breathe." You know? I still had my severance package and everything that I had negotiated, so financially I was gonna be okay for a while, but I had no other source of income, so that was still in the back of my mind.
But there was still a part of me inside that I had never given breath to- allowed because it was just go earn a living, keep a roof over your head, look after your girls. All of those things were always front and center for me. So it was like this forced pause for me, extended pause. Yeah. But a, a forced pause that helped me just to kind of do a reset.
When ... Through that time, you were probably doing some reflecting, I would assume, when you could slow down a little bit. But was there a moment or where you realized that maybe your old path wasn't the path to go down again, and you might not be going back to that?
When I realized, you know, I've got to try to get some work coming in, and I thought, "Well, let me..." There was a job that was a full-time job with a pet insurance company, and the CEO was my former boss when I was working at, at one of my previous companies. So I messaged her and said, "Hey, do you think this role might be a good role for me?" And so I was in an interview the very next day and all of these things, and I was you know, I knew I was gonna be shortlisted for the full-time role, and something in my gut kind of went, "You are not destined to go back to doing a full-time job. That is not what your path is anymore."
And so then I kind of dreaded that they were gonna give me this full-time role that in my heart I knew I was gonna turn down because I was like, "This, this is not my path anymore," as odd as that sounded. And yet, you know, when they called me, they said, "Look, there's something a- you know, the full-time role we don't think is the right role for you."
And in my heart I'm like, "Oh, thank God, then I don't have to turn you down." "However, you have so much experience and so much expertise, would you consider coming in on a contract basis- Ooh to help us out?" And I thought, "Well, that's perfect," because that a- that gave me the ability to start what I envisioned for myself, which is more of a contract, choose the people that I get to work with, and not be bound by the internal politics that I realized were, is really a big part of what tore me up with my last role, and that I didn't want to be a part of that anymore, and I just wanted to be able to bring, I just wanted to be able to bring my own, my strengths into- Mm-hmm whatever role I was in, and not have to, not have to stress about that. Right.
So it's like somebody was looking out for me and saying, "You know, this is good, and we can... And we're gonna work with this." So that was kind of the, the jump off point. But in my gut, it was like, "I can't do this full time anymore. I don't want to do that." I don't want to do that anymore.
So, so it was a nice transition to work into that. And, you know, sometimes when one door closes, we keep trying to reopen it. And other time, which sounds like with you, you were invited to build an entirely new door-
Yeah ... I'd say. Whole new building on a new street. Yeah. All right.
So then you were doing this transitional... I don't know if transitional is the correct word, but more of the consulting-type business. Mm-hmm. Was that the beginning of your entrepreneurship? You know, what prompted you really to start your own business, and were you nervous in doing so? And what were some of the fears that you had and, you know, was there imposter syndrome? All of the things.
You know, it's funny because I had been doing what I was doing for 20 years in corporate. I had my own business for 15 years before even jumping into corporate. Oh. And yet I had a graphic design company. I had a clothing company. I was always been very entrepreneurial. And so the part of my decision to go back to my entrepreneurial roots was to bring all of this knowledge I've acquired through my corporate, you know, 20 years of working in these corporate environments, which I've learned a ton and I'm very grateful for that, and bringing it back and being able to work with people that I thought I could actually help.
However, I had no... It was like, it was like I was 20 years old again, and I had amnesia as it related to how to build a business, how to, like, the skills that I brought to the table. All of a sudden, I felt like, you know, I'm a marketer, and I don't even know how to talk about how I'm different.
I know how to build brands. I've built national brands, and I don't know how to promote myself. I feel like the emperor's got no clothes. And it was hard because the journey to becoming successful in your own business goes beyond the skills that you've acquired. It's so much deeper than that. I didn't realize how much I had when you're in that corporate environment, that you mask who you really are in order to fit in, in order to be part of the establishment.
Now there's no mask. You know, there's nobody else, and so there was a big, it was a big learning curve for me. But it was more the learning curve of you gotta figure out who you are, girl, 'cause, you know, you can't get by just on what you know. Because I thought, "I know all these things. I know I have so many tools in my toolbox, and yet it's just me."
Mm-hmm. So there's all these things I can do, but what am I best at? Who do I wanna serve? Who is going to benefit, and how do I pull that together in a way that's cohesive and blah, blah, blah? I did not know where to start. I was lost. I felt, "How can I be lost?" And layer on top of that, I'm turning 60.
And, and so when I'm in the process of my friends are all retiring, I can't retire. I have to keep working. I'm not quite sure what exactly I'm gonna be doing. And so there's this additional scarcity, this pressure that you feel- Mm-hmm ... like I have to do something. I have to find something. And that feeling of I'm a failure. How can I not know how to do all of this stuff? How do I not know how to build a business?
So during that process and to help you get through some of that, did you hire a coach at all along the way, or did you do it on your own? What would you s- suggest to other women who might be going through that process?
I didn't hire a coach at the outset, but I did join some communities, and even that was a stretch for me because I'd been so used to just keep your head down, do your thing. And, you know, support was not ... I wasn't very good at asking for help. And so at first I thought, "Well, I need to learn how to do things." So I invested in the Tony Robbins masterminds and all of how to build an online course, and I spent so much money on my own kind of education, not a coach, but just trying to get educated.
Mm-hmm. And that's a different thing than someone who's helping me you know, pull myself through. But along the way, I met s- you know, I joined masterminds, which is where you and I met. I joined, I did certifications, and, and I just got to start to meet these amazing women support groups and communities.
And have hired since then, over the last probably three years, I have had coaches. Because I feel like you can only be your best when you've got someone who's holding you accountable. Mm-hmm. Who's helping you see what you can't see on your own, and being a cheering section for you when you feel like, you know, those tough times, 'cause it's not an easy road to be an entrepreneur. But when you've got somebody who's got your back and you feel like you have that support, that can carry you through the tougher times.
Right. No, I completely agree about having a coach as well as the support system. Having other people who might be experienced, which you are, are going through the same, some of the same struggles, but also have those that are cheerleaders for you when, when things go well, that keep, help keep you moving forward.
So as I listen to your story and what I know about you, it really strikes me that you weren't just building a business, you were really creating one that reflected who you were becoming. Mm-hmm. And one thing that really stands out to me is that your company, The Firefly Effect, doesn't feel like just another marketing company. It feels very personal. It's very- So where did that vision come from?
So when I started, I thought I can just take everything I've learned in 20 years of being a head of marketing, and I'm gonna just do that for smaller businesses. I had worked with a colleague who's, you know, in, who I had worked with many times in my corporate environment to come up with, with interesting, good names for things, and I wanted a good name for my business.
And we came up with a name at the time, which was not a bad name, but there was something about it. It was called Wield Marketing, because I'm like, "I wanna put the power of marketing into your hands." So I kind of liked the tagline, but there was something about the name itself. I sat on it for over a year. Didn't, didn't create a logo, didn't build a website, didn't do anything with it. There was something in it was like, "That's not my name. That doesn't feel good in my gut. It doesn't feel good."
And about a year after I started going down this path of trying to build a business, I, I took a test, an assessment, 'cause I'm a personality test junkie.
I was trying to learn something about myself. But this one, what was interesting was that it was an outside-in perspective, how the world sees you when you're at your best. And going through... It's called Fascinate. And going through this whole process of understanding the languages that I speak and how the world sees me when I'm at my best was very liberating for me, because it was almost like it gave me permission to be who I already am inside, but thought I cr- I can't show up like that.
I'm gonna be too woo woo, or I'm gonna be too emotional, 'cause I'm, you know, passion is my, my primary language that I speak, and which is the language of connection and intuition. And, and so as I went through this process of understanding the languages that I speak when I'm in that flow state, and I can just, like, riff all day, and I, and I feel energized,
I also realized that my language that is the least effective way for me to communicate is power Which I thought, "Well, that's weird," 'cause I've been a leader for, you know, the last 10 or 15 years. But I realized I'm not, I'm not the kind of person that comes in and needs to be in control of the room, or, you know, needs to make decisions quickly. I'll be asking, like, "What do you think?" And so then I connected the dots to wield. Wield is all about power. Mm. And I realized, no wonder it's sitting in my gut, and it's not my word, because this is my least effective way of communicating.
So I let it go. I'm like, "I have to come up with a new name for my business." And then I started exploring, what is it that I love? What is it that I wanna be able to do? And I realized for me, with my personal journey and my business journey, it was about bringing that authenticity, taking down the mask of who I've pretended, or shown up as all of these years of my life, and bringing that glow, that little s- that little spark that sits inside all of us, and finding a way to help that shine.
And so Firefly to me felt like a really good analogy for that. Mm-hmm. And then Fly Effect made me think of the butterfly effect, which is the whole premise that if one butterfly is flapping its wings, the collective impact you could cause a typhoon. And so I thought, "What if I can help people who have this inner glow, that they are having a hard time being able to be their authentic selves and show up on the outside in alignment with who they are inside?
And we can do this as a collective," then that effect of having everybody be able to shine and build, you know, build a business, build a brand that reflects who they are with authenticity, it just felt right. So that's where The Firefly Effect came from.
So today you talk a lot about helping heart-centered entrepreneurs discover what makes them authentically different. Kind of going back again to that authenticity, your true self, you know, coming through within. Why has authenticity become such a central part of your work? Can you expand on that maybe a little more?
Yeah. So authenticity for me, you know, I'm on a-- we're all on a journey of self-discovery, and I would say in, you know, the last six years since I've left my corporate job and really leaned in, realizing, going way back, you know, to my childhood, where I was the high sensitive child who was not allowed to show emotion, who was, you know, feelings and emotions were not allowed.
So I learned to s- I learned to suppress everything that I think makes me unique to the point where I actually, you know, grew a tumor in my jaw. Had some health issues with my, with a tumor in my jaw in, you know, way back when in 2008, and that for me was the beginning of you need to find your voice. When I was wired shut, and I had to relearn how to eat and how to talk because they sawed off my bottom jaw.
I had to figure out, like, this is happening for you, and so my journey has continued since then. The authenticity came through and has become stronger and stronger because I realized when I left, sometimes you don't realize how deeply you're embedded in a culture of, you know, especially in a corporate culture where you just have to show up and you are wearing a mask so that you can continue to, to fit in.
Mm-hmm. And it, and it impacts your health. It impacts my mental health, my physical health. And so creating that sense of, like, alignment became a really important part of my journey for myself. Mm-hmm. And the... spoke to people, the more I realized this is not just for me. There are so many people who feel like they have to show up a certain way in order to be accepted or t- or to fit in, rather than showing up as you authentically are and attracting the people in your tribe that where you belong.
Instead, you know, I call them creating your I-get-to clients instead of my have-to clients. I like that. You know, when the- Yeah ... when the phones ring and it's like, "Oh, my gosh, I get to talk to Genell today," and that lights my world as opposed to, in the early stages when I started out on my own, I had a lot of clients, and it's like, "Oh, my God, I have to talk to this person."
And I may have taken that project or that contract because a sense of scarcity or this is all I can get. Now I can say no to those people. And when I changed how I showed up, that felt like it's in alignment with who I am, the words that I use to describe myself.
And I remember at first I got some criticisms from people going like, "Don't you think that's a little bit too, like, woo-woo, what you're talking about?" I'm like, "If it is, they're not my people." Mm-hmm. Then they're, then that's, they're not the right people who need to work with me, but I wanna work...
i'm a very heart-centered person. Accepting that about myself has been part of my journey, and I've seen the lights go on when people kind of like are given permission to be who you are.
And when you show up that way, and your, you know, your business reflects that, you're gonna attract the people who need to hear your message. Right. And you build the business then that fits who you are. Yeah. Right. And it feels good.
'Cause, so do you think actually that people can build an authentic brand before they've really done the work of understanding themselves?
I think it's hard, but I think it's part of the journey to go t- you know, a lot of the, a lot of the people that I work with, and I will say I do work with some men, but primarily women because I feel like, again, women tend to be more in tune with wanting that alignment, at least the ones that I've met.
But I do, I've had some male clients as well. But I think when you start a business, when a lot of people are starting a business, you're starting from a place of, "I have a skill or I have an idea, and who I am is not as important as what I do And after a few years of trying to do that, we kind of realize, "I am not fulfilled. This is not what my vision was."
And some of them even considered going back to work in a corporate envi- back to that, that corporate environment because they might be thinking, "I thought I could do this, and I can't, and I don't have the revenue that I thought I could have. I don't have clients that I love," you know?
And so much of that is because you're still putting on a mask and showing up with how you think, with where your worth is tied to what you do, not who you are. And I think when you can bring the two together, how you show up changes, the energy you bring to a room changes, and you're gonna start to attract the people who, again, need to hear what you have to say.
And sometimes it's your messaging. Sometimes you're not going after the right clients either, because you might have an idea, "Oh, I need this client 'cause they have a lot of money." And that may not be the right client who needs to hear your message. It may not just be about the money. So we unpack... You know, when I start unpacking that and helping people kind of realize, but it always starts, I always start with who you are on the inside in, in what I do.
That test that I was telling you about, that Fascinate test, it impacted me so much that I actually got certified because I'm like, "I wanna do this for all of my clients." It helps me understand how to work with you better, and it helps them understand themselves, and their teams. Like, I'll do it for, you know, we do workshops with their entire team so they can see how they function better together.
But at its core, just helps you kind of lean in and kind of go, "Man, I'm awesome, and I don't have to try to be anybody different than who I am." Mm-hmm. In fact, I'm gonna lean in more to who I am because different is better than better. That's kind of the mantra of Fascinate. And then I layer on top of that all the years and experience of understanding how to build a solid brand and brand messaging.
And bringing it all together, everything else becomes so much easier when you have that foundation. Think of your... I think of your brand as your, like, that, that foundation to a house that's rock solid, that you have clarity and confidence, and knowing that know- that inner knowing, that you're not just looking over your shoulder and trying to change your tactics to meet, you know, to be following the latest trend or whatever.
You've got a plan. You've got a plan that aligns with your vision and your heart and how you wanna show up. And it, it's just, it feels calming. Right. Calming to the spirit.
So you mentioned a couple times throughout our conversation, which I think was this concept of staying invisible that kept you safe. It was huge. And maybe, are you willing to share a little bit more of that? The impact that it had on you, and then how you, through this process, kind of worked your way through that or what you learned.
Yeah. So the invisible piece, you know, coupled with a whole lot of therapy that I've had over the years to understand that about myself, feeling invisible was a way to keep me safe.
Mm-hmm. Like, as long as I was behind the scenes, you know, even as a marketing leader, I put my team ahead of me. It was never about me. It was about, you know, my worth in my mind, it always felt like my worth and my value was in what I did and the results I generated, not who I was. And so breaking that down, that's probably been the hardest thing for me.
Mm-hmm. It's leaning into you're okay, you know, and, and some personal, like, relationships even that I've had that I feel like in my life I've attracted that, that, you know, you're safer when you're invisible, so just don't rock the boat. Don't try to put yourself out there too much.
And I realize that, you know, that scarcity mindset, that fear is my five-year-old trying to keep me safe, and I have to kinda say, "I'm okay. I can do this." I'm not gonna say it's still not a struggle, 'cause it, because it is. Mm-hmm. It's important. Yeah.
'Cause it's amazing really how those messages, like we were talking about when you're younger, can stay with us for so many years, and still late into our adulthood can be working- Yeah ... through them. Because then from that feeling safe with the invisibility is that you then refer to an impenetrable facade where- The mask ... you had this, maybe this is part of the mask. From the outside, people saw someone successful. Inside, you were hiding. So you've talked about this as being very difficult, I think, to take that wall down. Mm. Maybe talk about, a little bit about that process, and how maybe enlightening it was for you. But really, it seems to maybe have led to the business that you're building now- Yeah ... because you've been working on tearing that down and realize what impact that has.
It, it's so profound. I think it's probably the, the biggest roadblock and the most important work, I would say, of my life. Mm. Partly because, you know, I would ... If you've not watched Brene Brown's TED Talk on vulnerability, I highly encourage you to do this, 'cause there is no courage without vulnerability. And the vulnerability research shows that we respect vulnerability. Like 90% of people who see somebody else who's being vulnerable respect and appreciate that, and yet such a small percentage of us are willing to be vulnerable or feel like we'll still be accepted if we are vulnerable.
And it is the one thing that, you know, that holds us back, I think, the most. For myself, that vulnerability just meant, you know, being able to acknowledge, you know, I've made mistakes, or I don't care and, and putting myself first because it's always been everybody else's needs ahead of mine.
Honestly, when I first started, I didn't... the mask was so deep, I couldn't tell you what my favorite color was because I never gave myself permission to want, or do, or, or think about what my own needs were. I couldn't tell you what my own needs were. And when my ex-husband and I were going through divorce, and we thought, "Okay, we'll try going to see a marriage counselor," and I remember him asking me like, "What's your... like, what is it that you need in this relationship?" And I was like... You know, in my mind I'm like, "You're not entitled to anything. You haven't earned the right- Mm ... to be asking for yourself."
And, you know, and, and again, tying that back to childhood, growing up in a fairly authoritarian home with very strict parents and the middle chi- I've got them all. Middle child syndrome, like a high sensitive, all of those things. But I always tried to suppress that because all of those things to me made me broken. They were like, "Oh, nobody wants a crybaby. Nobody wants somebody who is too sensitive and too personal." And, and yet, when I started showing that vulnerability...
And I started with safe people. It started in our communities, in the masterminds or the, the groups of women where I felt I can share. And for some of, you know, some women who were part of these groups know more about me than my own closest friends- Mm-hmm ... my childhood friends. So we pick and choose where, but take a little step, and it's like, "I'm still okay."
And realizing that when you share that vulnerability and you can start taking the mask down, and you take a little step, and not only is it helpful for you, it's actually helping somebody else take their mask down as well. Yeah. And, you know, and there's something that's just- There's a peace and a calmness that started to come over me because I felt like I didn't have to have two lives.
I had the inside Louise life and then I had the how do I show up life. And the inside Louise life was very disconnected and sad most of the time. And now I'm like, this is just me. And, and, uh, it's,
I think from having had conversations with you and what I know, and you alluded to this a little bit earlier, but while you were suppressing all of this and having the mask and living that life, but when you were trying to protect yourself emotionally, your body was also trying to get your attention 'cause you have experienced multiple health crises throughout your life. And you write about those experience that too, that, that taught you that our bodies store trauma. Yes. And so can you talk a little bit about that realization and how did it change the way you live? And if you want, talk a little bit about what physically your body went through as a result, if you're open to sharing.
Yeah, of course. So I trace it right back to my childhood. I used to get horrendous cold sores as a child. Like, n- not just a little cold sore, like mushroom, cauliflower lip cold sores. Ouch. Every year at Christmas, during exams, stressful times of the year. Any time I experienced that inner stress, because I was not allowed to express when I was feeling anxious, it would show up in a cold sore. And, and I realized early... not early on, but at, at some point in that, in my childhood, I realized that if I can calm my nervous system down, I can actually control the cold sores. Exams, I always got them at exams, always got them at, you know... So I started talking to myself and kind of going, "You know, okay, you can calm," because I'd realized that that was gonna help me calm my cold sores.
Later on in life, I s- you know, didn't mean I knew how to express myself, I just had learned how to try to calm my nervous system. But going through years of not being a- of learning and being conditioned to not be able to talk about what I was feeling. Shortly after my 40th birthday, and a year or so after my ex-husband and I separated, I had a pain in my jaw that was so intense and growing so intently that I could barely chew through bread.
I was going to a chiropractor three times a week just to have him whack my jaw so that I could get some relief from this pain that I was feeling. And my doctor and my dentist, they all thought it was, you know, TMJ, and they said, "You know, your muscles are so thick," and I'm like, "It's from years of grinding, of clenching my jaw because I can't speak when I'm feeling something. I'm not allowed to talk about how I feel."
And finally, I went to a specialist and through some diagnostic tests, they discovered a tumor growing in my bottom jaw. And, and it was growing on the inside of my bottom jaw, and the only way to take the tumor out was to literally cut off my bottom jaw. So they had to cut me open from here all the way up to here, and literally just sawed off my bottom jaw. And so my jaw's not connected on this side anymore. I was wired shut.
I had to relearn how to eat, how to talk, and I had to practice doing these exercises in the mirror. And I remember standing in there and, like, trying to open my mouth, and it opens crooked now, but, you know, that's part of who I am. And thinking, as I'm trying to practice opening my mouth and forced to look at myself in the mirror, it's like, "This is happening for you, not to you, and it's time for you to find your voice." And that was-
So how did you come to... I mean, that would be difficult to say, "It's happening for me," when you're going through that at that moment. How did you develop, if you will, that mindset that, to look at it in a positive way, and then what it could possibly bring to you?
Well, I think there was a part of me inside that was like, "This cannot be what life is all about. There has to be more to it than what I've been living." So, like, all of this time in my life that I'd put everything for everybody else, and there's nothing left in the tank for me. And I just thought, "There's gotta be more to life than this. And maybe this is the universe, God, you know, spirit giving me this opportunity," because it forced me to stop, right?
Just like COVID forced me to stop and rethink. Mm-hmm. That point in time forced me to stop, you know? And then, and I remember going to a therapist, which is probably the first time in my life I had ever gone to see a therapist other than marriage counselors, and sitting in her office with my jaw wired shut.
And she's looking at me, and she's like, "Why are you here?" And, you know, you can talk when your mouth is wired shut. Mm-hmm. And I just... You know, and I looked at her and I said, "Look at-" I know there's more to me than what I have been able to experience, and I need you to help me find... I need help finding this.
It was the first time I think I had asked for help. And it was a slow process, you know, and it didn't happen overnight, but it slowly started to break down that barrier for me of you have to just keep everything bottled up inside, and gave me permission to realize that, you know, I'm entitled to a happy life.
I'm entitled to find joy and to surround myself with people. And my other driving force, to be perfectly honest, was that I didn't want my girls, my two daughters, to figure this shit out, excuse my language, when they're 40 or 50 years old like I was. I wanted them to have the opportunity to have a good life, and I needed to be that role model for them to say, like, "I can do hard things." Because if I break down these barriers for me, I'm breaking them down for them, too. Right. So they were a big part of my why, of why do I need to do this?
Because this has been a hard time for me, and I show up and I smile and, you know, "Oh, you have such a pretty smile." And it's like, "Yeah, you don't know what that's hiding." You know? That my mask became being able to smile- Mm ... and everything is great when it wasn't. And I was just like a total mess inside, you know?
And I had a similar experience a number of years later And, you know, this time it was a growth on my ovary that grew to be eight pounds in like three months. Oops. Which was insane. Mm-hmm. And they removed that, and then four weeks later my doctor, the surgeon called and said, "We need to do a full hysterectomy because we found very aggressive pre-cancer cells." And I know, I read this book called Your Body Keeps the Score. Mm-hmm. And Dr. Caroline Myss, Anatomy of the Spirit was another one, and it was like it points to places in your body where you're experiencing like physical or emotional trauma, and I was going through a bad relationship, kind of breakup at that time, and I concentrated all of that trauma into my ovaries.
So I ended up having to have a hysterectomy four weeks after the first surgery to remove the eight-pound tumor, and I had an internal bleed, and I nearly died on the operating table. I had lost half my blood, and they couldn't find the bleed. And the only thing that went through my head as they were, through my mind as they were bringing me back into the operating room, is that my daughters are too young to be without a mom.
Mm-hmm. And I don't, don't wanna do this if I'm there. So that was in 2015, and I've just tried to like, you gotta keep pushing through to find that light, that balance of who you are on the outside and not keep everything bottled up.
Yeah, that was definitely a wake-up call, I would say, for you. Yes. Yes. To reevaluate everything.
Wow. Yeah. So- Crazy, huh? Yeah.
And then just recently, well, fairly recently I think, another part of your journey is that you found out in your 50s, think late 50s maybe, that you had ADHD, right? Mm-hmm. So what did discovering you had ADHD help you understand about yourself, and maybe what you had misunderstood for years?
My... Yeah. So I was well, it was last year, and so I, you know, I was six- 62 and figuring out that I have ADHD. How crazy is that, right? And so it was a relief in some ways. You know, there was a big part of me that's like, "I don't have ADHD. I'm the opposite. I'm not a hyper person. I'm hyper-focused. Like, I can sit for hours and not move and be completely, like, zoned into what I'm doing."
And they're like, "Yeah, that's ADHD." I'm like, "Oh." And it was my daughter, it was my daughter who, you know, kept saying, you know, "Mom, you have ADHD," and I'm like going, "No, I don't." And so learning and g- being open to understanding the way my brain works gave me some relief and gave me the strate- some strategies to kind of re- Mm-hmm accept that I don't have to do things the way everybody else does things. My brain is not wired the same way. And just like learning that I'm a, you know, passion and mystique, like my Fascinate Profile, it's part of my superpower. It doesn't make me broken.
And for so many years there's shame and there's like, "Why can't I figure this out? Everybody else knows how to do this. How come I struggle so much? I'm smart, you know, I'm creative, I'm doing all these things, and yet I can never be somewhere on time." And I'm learning that, you know, time blindness is a neurodivergent thing. It's like time for me is now or not now.
Again, it's another layer- Mm-hmm of forgiveness, but also putting in strategies to help me function better. Um, there's a high percentage of entrepreneurs that are neurodivergent, that have ADHD, because we don't function well in a corporate environment. So you know, that lots of ideas, and the more we learn about ourselves, the more forgiving we can be- Right of what we perceive to be faults, and embrace that they're part of- Right ... our superpower. Mm-hmm. That's the way that it... And the journey continues. That's gonna- You know what?
It's still part of your reinvention too, essentially, right?
It is. And it's, and I'm, you know, I have more joy and more peace in my life now than I have had.
I'm so happy to hear that you have so much more joy and peace at this point after going through that process, this reinvention process. And what's striking to me too is that your reinvention wasn't just about changing careers, because it eventually became about changing the way you wanted to live. Yeah. Because after living for years in downtown Toronto, millions of people, you made another bold decision. You left that city of millions and moved to a much smaller community a couple hours away. That's another huge leap. It's a different way of living. It is. So what prompted that decision, and has living there changed your day-to-day life, or how has it impacted you?
Yeah. You know what? I live in Paris. I love being able to say- ... I live in Paris. Like Paris, Ontario, Canada, but it's still Paris.
I remember- You know what? I just wanna say, I remember the first time you told me you were moving to Paris, before I knew it was Paris, Ontario. I was like, "Oh my God, that's like a dream of mine. I wanna live in Paris."
I've never even been to Paris and, you know, so I just love that I can say that I live in Paris. There's 15,000 people. I think there were that many people in my condo practically when I was in Toronto. And you know what? I realized that for me, being close to nature, being close to the water, I work for myself, I work from home, so I can, you know, I can work from anywhere, so I might as well love where I work and be able to be in nature in 10 minutes and being, you know, on trails.
It was, it was bringing that- pull me together again. Mm-hmm. Everything from just having a garden that I love, my garden. You know, I love seeing things grow, and just being outside, it brings me so much. I bought a century home in, you know, that still has a dirt floor in the basement. I have all kinds of projects and ideas for what I wanna do, and I love that because it, it nurtures that part of me that needs to be close to nature, close to Mother Earth.
And the calm that I start, you know, that I've talked about before, that calmness is here in my home as well, you know? And so I can go out the front door, my kids can come visit. There's enough space here for me to be able to have people over, but I also don't feel lost here by myself in this home. Yeah. So it's been wonderful.
It sounds like slowing down really has created space for so many other things, you know- Yeah ... for you. Yeah. Discovering your interests, maybe taking care of your health, giving yourself just permission to try new things, to dream bigger, and, and all of that.
Yeah. The, the permission part is huge that you talk about. I think giving ourselves permission to step back and kind of go, "What do I want," you know, rather than, "What's expected of me?" And I remember telling, you know, my daughters, you know, "I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna sell the condo," and I had just moved into that condo just before COVID hit, and I'd been in the house that my father grew up in and my grandparents' house, like, for 27 years in the house that I had lived in previously.
So this house is the first house that feels like it's mine. I chose it. I, you know, it just all feels like me, and when my friends come to visit, they're like, "This actually feels so much like you," you know? And the energy matters to me. I pay attention. I used to push that stuff away. I... Now I embrace it. Now I'm like, "I gotta sit and listen to the energy that is coming through me, and I have to honor that."
And when I honor that, everything else starts to, you know, come together in a way that feels- It feels aligned inside and out. Mm-hmm. And that feeling of I know how I'm showing up is who I am. It does bring calmness. It does bring peace. And it also brings inspiration and abundance and joy and all of those other things, too. It... You don't have to sacrifice one for the other. In fact, it becomes easier, I think, when you can envision the life that you love- Mm-hmm ... and start leaning into it.
I remember driving through little towns and kind of going, "Wow, in my next life I'm gonna live in a small town." Mm-hmm. I never for a million years thought that I could do it in this lifetime, you know?
And you did.
And I did.
Fabulous- And I did ... 'cause, 'cause looking back now, it's amazing how all of these seemingly unrelated events ended up pointing you toward the life you're living today. So looking back now, if you never had been laid off, if COVID had never happened, do you think you would've started, you know, gone down this path, started this business?
No. Yeah? I don't. I think I would've... I, I don't think I had the courage- To be able to say, "I don't want this life anymore." If it hadn't been forced on me, I don't know that I would've had the courage to make that decision on my own. Because at that point I was still like, "I'm... You know, I've been doing this for 20 years.
I can't stop now. I'm close to retiring. All my friends are retiring." You know, the, the keeping up with the Joneses was a big thing, and I wasn't paying attention to what was happening inside. Yeah. I wasn't paying attention to that little glow of the firefly that, like, I need to get out. I need to, I need... you need to fan those flames to feel whole. And now it's flying. Now it's flying. Yes. And I get fireflies in my, you know, yard at night, which is just wonderful.
That's cool. Yeah. 'Cause I think one of the things, too, where, that you've said or has been important in taking you to where you are today, too, is that as you said, you re- really refused to be a victim along the way. It was always, "What's the lesson I can learn? Why did this happen for me? Where is this gonna lead? What can I do with what was presented to me?"
There's always been a lesson. And when I, you know, and, and I think that when we can look at something that happens and realize it's happening for you, and what's the lesson I need to learn from this so that I can continue to grow- Yeah it makes the lessons a little bit... Sometimes they're still really painful. When you recognize that that's all it is, it's just the next lesson, and that means you're ready to kind of break through to that next level in your life, it can actually be very rewarding as well. It's like, "Okay, I can go through this.
I'm... You know, I'm strong enough." Mm-hmm. And you surround yourself with the right support and the people who are there to champion you and to, and to support you through those tough times, too. Right. And I've been very blessed with, with that.
So before we wrap up with just a couple closing questions, I'd love to give you the opportunity to tell our listeners a little bit more about your work. So if someone happens to be listening today and thinking, "I'd love to work with Louise," who do you help, and what's the be- best way for people to connect with you? And I, I will mention at this point, too, that I will provide all of Louise's links to her website and social media links- Thank you ... and all of that in the show notes. But if you wanna share a little bit here- Yep ... please do so.
So where I focus most of my time is I, I, I coach and consult. I call myself a strategic guide. Uh, and I bring kind of that deep brand wisdom, and I also overlay intelligent AI coordination, 'cause I'm also involved in helping to work more efficiently.
And I really help heart-centered entrepreneurs build a business where that authentic alignment becomes your unstoppable strategic advantage. Like, this is, this is makes you unstoppable and undeniable. And so I work... You know, I have a 12-week program. I have coaching program with people that work with me for, you know, six months or a year or longer. I've had some clients for three years now.
And it's really about creating a space and an environment where you can kind of, you can get that clarity and confidence for yourself that, that you're building a business or, you know, that really is aligned inside in how you show up, and then creating that business that thrives because of who you are, not in spite of who you are.
Fabulous. So what's the best way? I mean, would it, would you say LinkedIn, or what would be the best way just for them to reach out to you?
Um- You can, you c- connect with me on LinkedIn. Okay. Absolutely. You, you can email me through louise@fireflyeffect.ca. It's .ca, not .com. Those are probably the two best ways to get ahold of me. Okay. And happy to have any conversations. And I am starting, I don't know when we're posting this, but I am starting a founders group with this new 12-week program that starts from the inside out, and that's gonna be in August. So if anybody's interested in joining that founders group, I would love to have a conversation to see if it's a fit, you know, and for us.
So... Great. Thank you for sharing that. I know now we're wrapping up on time here. I just have hopefully a couple quick questions for you.
Absolutely.
Um, you've experienced unexpected changes, challenges, and, and new beginnings throughout the years. What would you say to the woman in her 50s and 60s who feels like life hasn't turned out the way she imagined?
I would say start by giving yourself credit for where you're at, and recognizing that, number one, you're exactly where you're meant to be at this point in your life, and that does not dictate that you have to accept everything without having any control over what happens next. And the first step really starts with deciding that you want something, you know, and y- allowing yourself permission to do something different.
And maybe it's really drastic, and maybe it's just a, you know, a shift, but that you're deserving of whatever is in your heart. And when you honor that in yourself, the world opens up for you, and the support is there, and the opportunities are there. And it can be scary, and do it anyways because it's so worth it.
That's fabulous. Thank you for providing that guidance. What does renewing your life mean to you today?
Oh my gosh. You know, I absolutely love that you call this RenewHer because renewing my life, for me it has felt like I am finally giving myself permission to be living what I have always known is on the inside waiting to get out.
And I don't feel like I need to be watching life happen from behind a glass door anymore. Venturing out, you know, a toe, a foot, um, going in and, and reaching out to the people and connecting with people who genuinely care about you and recognizing that what got you here doesn't need to... is not necessarily what's gonna get you there.
And a lot can change in a very short period of time when you put your mind to wanting that change and being committed to, to finding a way to do it because the support is there. And it's just given me a whole new outlook on life, right? Like, I feel more in control of my life today than I ever have. And my daughters, you know, my why, are also on a such a good path, I think because in part they see that I'm okay- Mm-hmm and it's given them the confidence and the clarity to be okay on their journey as well. So when you think you're just doing it for yourself, I'm gonna challenge you that you're prob- you don't know the ripple effect of the changes you make to your life and what that's gonna do to the people around you.
But don't do it for them. Start by doing it for you. Right. Because that renewing yourself, your belief in yourself, your belief in your abilities, and your desire to live to your fullest potential, you know, that changed for me when that was almost taken away, and I realized that's not the way... That's not my legacy.
That's just not what I want for myself. Mm-hmm. So RenewHer is, is a daily thing. It's sometimes it's a daily reminder that, you know, I'm here for a reason. Part of it is exciting. I don't know, kind of invigorating- It is ... to discover- It is ... what's, what's maybe next. Yeah. Yeah. And not coming at it from a place of fear- Right but it's like, you know, awe and wonder.
So Louise, I have loved this conversation, and your story reminds us that in- reinvention doesn't usually begin with a perfect plan. It often begins with disappointment, with uncertainty, with loss. But as you've shown us today, those moments can become invitations. Invitations to heal, to grow, and to discover who we were always meant to be.
So thank you again, Louise, for sharing your journey so openly and for reminding us that authenticity isn't something we achieve overnight. It's something we uncover one courageous step at a time. And to everyone listening, thank you for being here for, and for being part of the RenewHer community.
If Louise's story resonated with you, I hope you'll share this episode with someone who may need the reminder that it's never too late to begin again. And if you haven't already, I invite you to follow the RenewHer podcast so you can join us for future conversations about what it means to begin again.
Until next time, keep renewing your body, your brain, and your life. Thank you. Thank you so much, Genell.
You're welcome. This has been wonderful.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of RenewHer. If today's conversation sparked something in you, don't let it fade. Take even a small step toward what's next. If you've found value in what you heard, please subscribe, leave a review, or share this podcast with a woman who's ready to take her next bold step. Together, we're building a community of strong, resilient women, navigating what's next with courage and purpose. Until next time, stay energized and keep embracing what's possible.