There may be no action you can take that guarantees the outcome, and yet your brain can keep going, "What if and what if and what if?" That's where worry can take over. There isn't really an endpoint. You're not necessarily moving closer to a solution. You're rehearsing possible problems.
Welcome to RenewHer, a podcast for women over 50 ready to reignite their energy and explore what's next. I'm Genell Lemley, brain fitness coach. Here, you'll hear real stories from women taking on new challenges after 50, along with brain health tips to boost focus, energy, and the mindset to move forward with confidence.
Let's dive into today's episode.
Hello, and welcome back to RenewHer. Today, we're talking about worry. Have you ever noticed that some people seem to worry about everything? Maybe you're one of them. Something happens, or maybe nothing has happened at all, and suddenly your brain starts asking, "What if? What if something goes wrong? What if I make the wrong decision? What if something happens to someone I love? What if I can't handle it?"
I was with friends recently, and one conversation got me thinking about this. One friend mentioned she worries a lot. It made me wonder, what is actually happening in the brain when we worry? Because here's the thing.
Worry isn't simply thinking too much. Your brain is actually trying to do something. It's trying to protect you. Your brain is constantly scanning your environment and trying to predict what might happen next. That's a good thing. It's part of how we survive.
If there's a potential threat, your brain wants you to notice it. It wants you to prepare. It wants you to be ready. The problem is that your brain doesn't only do this when there's an immediate physical threat. It can do it when the threat is something that might happen tomorrow, next week, or even five years from now, and that's where worry comes in.
That imagined future can feel real enough to your brain to activate some of the systems involved in threat and stress. When your brain perceives a potential threat, it isn't happening in one little part of your brain. It's a conversation among several interconnected brain systems involved in detecting potential threats, remembering past experiences, imagining the future, evaluating possibilities, and regulating your emotional response.
For example, the amygdala is involved in generating and coordinating fear and threat responses. Your hippocampus plays an important role in memory and context, helping your brain draw on past experiences as it interprets situations and imagines possible futures. And as your brain starts trying to figure out what might happen, the prefrontal cortex is involved in thinking, planning, evaluating possibilities, and trying to make sense of uncertainty.
So when you're worrying about something that might happen tomorrow, your brain isn't sitting there passively waiting for tomorrow to arrive. It's using memories, imagination, prediction, and threat assessment to construct possible futures, and then responding emotionally to some of those possibilities.
So your brain starts running scenarios. What if this happens? What if that happens? What will I do? What if I can't handle it? And that brings me to those two little words that can really get the worry machine going, "what if." What if I get sick? What if I lose my job? What if my relationship changes? What if something happens to my family? What if I make the wrong decision?
And here's something important to remember. Possible does not mean probable. Your brain is incredibly good at imagining possibilities, but just because your brain can imagine something happening doesn't mean it's likely to happen. Worry can feel like you're being productive because you're thinking, you're analyzing, you're preparing, you're trying to solve something before it happens.
But those two words, what if, can also be the beginning of problem-solving. But there's a difference between problem-solving and worrying. Let's say you have a difficult conversation coming up. Problem-solving might sound like: What do I need to say? What outcome do I want? How can I prepare? You think it through, you make a plan, and then you're done. That's problem-solving. That's useful thinking.
The difference is what comes next. If the what if leads to a useful action, you're problem-solving. But sometimes there isn't anything you can do to change the outcome. What if your mom doesn't make it through surgery? What if the plane crashes? There may be no action you can take that guarantees the outcome, and yet your brain can keep going what if and what if and what if.
That's where worry can take over. There isn't really an endpoint. You're not necessarily moving closer to a solution. You're rehearsing possible problems. And sometimes the more possibilities your brain generates, the more threatened you feel because now you're not dealing with one possibility, you're dealing with 10 or 20 or more, and your brain can keep generating them.
You think about the problem. Your brain generates another possibility. You respond to that possibility with another what if, and around you go. That's when you can get caught in a worry loop, and that can have a physical effect, too.
When your brain perceives a threat, it can activate the body's stress response, whether the threat is real or not. Your heart rate may increase. Your muscles may tense. You may become more alert. You may have trouble relaxing.
And here's the frustrating part, the threat doesn't have to be physically present for your body to respond. You can be sitting safely in your living room thinking about something that might happen next week, and your brain can still generate a very real stress response. Your body is here, but your brain is rehearsing the future. And this is one reason chronic worry can be so exhausting. You're spending mental and physical energy preparing for something that may never happen.
So does that mean all worry is bad? Not necessarily. Some concern can actually be useful. If you're worried about an upcoming presentation, for example, that concern might motivate you to prepare. You might think about what you want to say. You might practice. You might anticipate questions. You might make a plan. That's useful. The concern is helping you take action.
The problem is when thinking about the possibility doesn't lead to action anymore. You keep going over the same scenario. You imagine one bad outcome after another. You ask, "What if?" again and again. That's when concern can become unproductive worry.
So maybe the better question isn't, should I be worrying? It's, is this thinking helping me do something, or is it simply making me feel more threatened? The key isn't to eliminate worry. It's to recognize when worry is helping you and when it's not.
And that raises another interesting question. So why are some people more prone to worrying than others? There isn't one answer. Our temperament plays a role. Some people are naturally more sensitive to potential threats or more uncomfortable with uncertainty.
Genetics can play a role too. And our experiences can shape the way our brains respond. If you've experienced a lot of unpredictability or situations where being vigilant helped you avoid problems, your brain may have learned, "Stay alert. Something could go wrong. Pay attention. Be prepared."
And over time, worry can become a habit. Something happens, uncertainty appears, and your brain automatically goes to, "What if?" And there's another piece. Some people have a hard time tolerating uncertainty. Think about that. We often assume we worry because we're afraid something bad is going to happen, but sometimes we're worrying because we simply don't know what's going to happen, and our brains don't particularly like uncertainty.
The brain likes prediction. It likes having some idea of what's coming next. But here's the problem. There's no useful action you can take to eliminate that possibility. You can't plan your way out of every possible outcome, and yet your brain can start imagining what could happen. There are things in life we simply cannot know in advance, and no amount of thinking can change that.
Sometimes worry is the brain's attempt to create certainty where certainty doesn't exist. And if you are someone who worries a lot, there's another thing worth understanding. Your brain may simply have become very good at anticipating problems.
It may have learned that worrying feels like preparation. It may even feel like control because if I think through every possible scenario, maybe I'll be ready. Maybe I'll be able to prevent something bad from happening.
But here's the question I want you to start asking yourself. Am I solving a problem, or am I rehearsing a possibility? If there's something useful you can do, do it. Make the plan. Take the next step.
But sometimes there isn't anything you can do to change the outcome, and that's where the question becomes different. Is my thinking helping me in some way, or am I simply rehearsing frightening possibilities?
If there isn't anything you can do right now, continuing to think about every possible outcome isn't necessarily giving you more control. It may simply be keeping your brain in a state of anticipation.
So the next time you catch yourself in a "what if" loop, pause. Ask yourself, "Is there an actual problem I need to address? Is there something I need to do, or is my brain simply trying to make the uncertain certain?"
If there is something you need to do, take the next step. If there isn't, you may not need another answer. You may need to remind your brain, I don't have to solve a problem that doesn't exist yet, because uncertainty is part of life.
We can't think our way out of it. We can't predict every outcome. And we certainly can't worry our way into certainty. Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do for our brains isn't finding another answer. It's recognizing when there isn't one yet. Until next time, remember, not every "what if" needs an answer.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of RenewHer. If today's conversation sparked something in you, don't let it fade. Take even a small step toward what's next. If you found value in what you heard, please subscribe, leave a review, or share this podcast with a woman who's ready to take her next bold step.
Together, we're building a community of strong, resilient women, navigating what's next with courage and purpose. Until next time, stay energized and keep embracing what's possible