Have you ever noticed that your brain can turn one sentence into an entire disaster movie? Your boss says, "Can we talk tomorrow?" And suddenly, your mind starts writing the script. "Did I do something wrong? Am I in trouble? What if I'm getting fired? What if I forgot something important?" Nothing has happened.
The conversation hasn't even taken place yet, but your brain has already jumped ahead and imagined the worst. Have you ever noticed how one thought can completely change your mood? One minute you're fine, the next minute you're anxious, discouraged, frustrated, or insecure
Welcome to RenewHer, a podcast for women over 50 ready to reignite their energy and explore what's next. I'm Genell Lemley, brain fitness coach. Here, you'll hear real stories from women taking on new challenges after 50, along with brain health tips to boost focus, energy, and the mindset to move forward with confidence. Let's dive into today's episode.
Hello, and welcome back to the RenewHer Podcast. Have you ever noticed that your brain can turn one sentence into an entire disaster movie? Your boss says, "Can we talk tomorrow?" And suddenly, your mind starts writing the script. Did I do something wrong? Am I in trouble? What if I'm getting fired?
What if I forgot something important? Nothing has happened. The conversation hasn't even taken place yet. But your brain has already jumped ahead and imagined the worst. Have you ever noticed how one thought can completely change your mood? One minute you're fine, the next minute you're anxious, discouraged, frustrated, or insecure.
Maybe you make a small mistake at work and immediately think, "I can't do anything right." Or a friend seems unusually quiet, and you start wondering if you've done something wrong. It's amazing how quickly one thought can turn into an entire story. But here's the thing. What if the story you're telling yourself isn't true? What if the thought itself isn't the problem?
Today, I wanna talk about something I learned from Dr. Daniel Amen called ANTs, or automatic negative thoughts. Because these little ANTs can steal your peace, rob you of your confidence, and make life feel harder than it really needs to be. And the good news is, you don't have to believe every thought that goes through your mind.
Did you know that every time you have a thought, your brain responds? With every thought, your brain releases chemicals. Electrical signals travel across your brain, and you become aware of what you're thinking. Thoughts aren't just abstract ideas floating around in your head. They are real, and they have a direct impact on how you feel and how you behave.
Think about the last time you were angry. What happened in your body? Maybe your shoulders tightened. Maybe your heart beat faster. Perhaps your breathing became shallow. Maybe you felt tension in your neck, your stomach, or your jaw. Your body reacted
Now, think about a time when you felt hopeful, grateful, or excited. You probably smiled, your breathing slowed, your body relaxed, you felt lighter. Your body responds to positive thoughts too. Thoughts are powerful. They influence how we feel emotionally, but they also affect us physically. And that's important because sometimes we act as though our thoughts don't matter, but they do.
Thoughts create feelings, feelings influence behavior, and our behavior shapes our lives. Here's something else I think we all need to remember. Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true. I'll say that again. Just because you think something doesn't mean it's true. We can train our thoughts to become more hopeful and balanced, or we can simply allow negative thoughts to run unchecked.
And when negative thoughts go unchallenged, our minds tend to believe them. That's where Dr. Amen's ANTs come in. They pop into our minds automatically, and the goal isn't to eliminate every negative thought. That's impossible. The goal is to recognize them sooner, because once you identify them, you begin to take away their power.
As I go through these nine ANTs, I don't want you trying to fix anything. I just want you to listen and notice which ones sound familiar, because awareness is always the first step.
The first ANT is all or nothing thinking. Everything is black or white, success or failure, perfect or terrible. Maybe you miss one workout and tell yourself, "Well, I've blown it now." Or you make one mistake at work and suddenly you're convinced you're terrible at your job. There's no middle ground.
The second ANT is thinking in terms of always. "I always mess things up." "You never listen." "No one ever calls." Words like always and never are clues that an ANT may be talking.
The third ANT is thinking with your feelings. "I feel stupid." "I feel like a failure." "I feel like nobody cares." Feelings are real, but feelings aren't always facts. Just because I feel rejected doesn't necessarily mean I've been rejected.
The next ANT is guilt-beating. These thoughts are full of should, ought, must, and have to. "I should be doing more." "I ought to exercise." "I have to take care of everyone." Those words can make life feel heavy. Sometimes changing I have to into I choose to, I get to, or it's in my best interest to creates a whole different feeling.
Another ANT is labeling. Maybe you make a mistake and suddenly say, "I'm an idiot," or you label someone else as lazy or selfish. But one mistake doesn't define who you are, and labels prevent us from seeing people clearly.
Now, let's talk about four of the most harmful ANTs. One of them is focusing on the negative. I think this one catches almost all of us. Imagine giving a presentation to a room of 11 people and receiving 10 compliments, but one person looked distracted. Which person are you replaying in your mind that night? Probably the distracted person. At least that's what I know I would do.
We can receive positive feedback all day long and still focus on the one thing that didn't go perfectly. Maybe you've had an annual review and received mostly positive comments, but one area of improvement became the only thing you remembered. Or maybe someone complimented your outfit, your work, or your kindness, but one criticism overshadowed everything else. Our brains sometimes magnify the negative and minimize the positive.
Another common harmful ANT is fortune-telling. Remember the example I used at the beginning about your boss saying, "Can we talk tomorrow?" That's a perfect example of fortune-telling. We take one sentence, and our brain turns it into a disaster movie. Or maybe you're waiting on test results and your brain immediately jumps to the worst-case scenario. We take one piece of information and write an entire story around it as if we've somehow been given tomorrow's headlines, but we haven't. And most of the things we worry about never happen.
Then another harmful ANT is mind reading. I know I've done this. I'll send an email and not hear back for several days, and my mind starts making up stories. "They didn't like what I said. They must be upset. I probably shouldn't have sent that." Meanwhile, the other person may simply be busy. Maybe they're traveling. Maybe they haven't even seen the email. But our minds are very creative. We fill in the blanks without any evidence. Mind reading causes unnecessary suffering because we're reacting to stories rather than facts.
And finally, there's the blaming ANT. It's my spouse's fault. It's my coworker's fault. It's my boss's fault. Blaming leaves us powerless. Taking responsibility isn't about blaming ourselves. It's about recognizing our ability to respond. It's asking, "What part of this situation can I influence?" Because that's where change begins.
Now, I wish I could tell you that once you learn about ANTs, they disappear. They don't. I still catch myself getting trapped by them. Sometimes I'll replay a conversation in my head. Did I say too much? Did I offend someone? Should I have kept quiet? Before I know it, I've written an entire story. Maybe you've done that too. You replay the conversation over and over, trying to figure out if you said the wrong thing Then I have to stop and ask myself, "Genell what evidence do you actually have?"
Usually, the answer is none. That's mind reading. My brain is making assumptions rather than dealing with facts, and simply recognizing that takes away some of its power. Then I can talk back to it. Maybe they weren't offended. Maybe they're busy. Maybe they're not thinking about the conversation at all. The point is, I don't know, and that's exactly why I don't want to believe every thought that goes through my head.
So how do we kill the ANTs? I just gave you a little bit of an example there, but let's go through the process. Dr. Amen suggests a simple process. First, notice them. Pay attention when your mood suddenly changes.
Ask yourself, "What was I just thinking?" Second, name the ANT. Is this fortune telling? Mind reading? All-or-nothing thinking? Naming it helps separate you from the thought. Third, write it down. Getting thoughts onto paper often helps us see them more clearly.
And fourth, talk back to them. In talking back to them, ask questions. Is this true? Do I know it's true? What evidence do I have? Could there be another explanation? Would I say this to someone I love? Am I confusing feelings with facts? Am I predicting the future?
Let's look at three examples of how it would work to kill the ANT. Let's look at the mind reading ANT. My boss doesn't like me. How do you kill the ANT? Ask yourself, "What evidence do I have of that?" In reality, you don't know that she doesn't like you. Maybe she's having a difficult week. Maybe she's stressed. Maybe this has nothing to do with me.
Then there's the labeling ANT. An example would be, "I am such an idiot." So how do you kill that ANT? You can say, "I made a mistake, but that doesn't make me an idiot. Everyone makes mistakes. I can learn from this and do better next time."
Then, looking at the all-or-nothing ANT who says, "I always say the wrong thing," you can kill that ANT. You could ask, "Always? Really? There have been plenty of conversations that have gone well. Maybe I didn't express myself perfectly this time, but one conversation doesn't mean I always say the wrong thing."
Here's what I hope you take away from today's episode. You don't have to believe every thought that goes through your mind. Not every thought deserves your trust. The goal isn't to become unrealistically positive.
The goal is to become a more accurate thinker. Because sometimes our suffering doesn't come from what actually happened. It comes from the story we tell ourselves about what might happen. Automatic negative thoughts are part of being human. We all have them. I certainly do. But you don't have to hand them the microphone.
You can notice them, question them, and choose not to let them run your life, because awareness creates choice, and sometimes one small shift in your thinking can change how you feel, how you respond, and ultimately, how you live.
And here's my invitation for you this week. Just notice one ANT. That's it. Not nine, not all day long, just one moment where your mood shifts and you pause long enough to ask yourself, "What am I thinking right now?" Name it. Is it mind reading? Is it fortune-telling? Is it all-or-nothing thinking? And then gently talk back to it. Reframe it.
You don't need to fix every thought. You just need to interrupt one, because that's where change begins.
Thank you for joining me for this episode of RenewHer. If today's conversation sparked something in you, don't let it fade. Take even a small step toward what's next. If you found value in what you heard, please subscribe, leave a review, or share this podcast with a woman who's ready to take her next bold step. Together, we're building a community of strong, resilient women, navigating what's next with courage and purpose.
Until next time, stay energized and keep embracing what's possible.